Time flies even if you're not having fun!

WoW!  I haven't logged onto my blog/journal for 2 months...YIKES!  I didn't really think it had been that long.  I just couldn't bring myself to post lately. You see, I am naturally a happy person and I really, truly don't like being sad. It goes against everything I believe in. I also don't like it when people say they are "depressed" or act like a "Debbie Downer."  I try to see the glass as half full and I like to be happy and do happy things and go happy places. It just seems like the past little while, things just aren't very happy. Rather than always post about being sad, I decided to take a break for awhile.

If you are wondering what I've been doing...I have been busy helping my dear friend Cathy with her various appointments for radiation, physical therapy, neurology...etc. Oh, and did I mention that I have a family and kids?  Well...here is the Readers D.igest version of the past two months.

After Christmas, my friend Cathy started all that fun radiation and chemotherapy that comes with fighting a brain tumor.  Everything seemed to be moving along like clock-work until a few weeks ago when she got a DVT (lay term...a blood clot) in her leg.  They admitted her into the hospital where her husband works as a nurse. She had the best team of doctors working with her but soon the blood clot traveled to her lung and became a pulmonary embolism.  They had immediately started anticoagulant therapy (blood thinners) but her platelets dropped to crazy scary LOW levels. They gave her PRBC's (packed red blood cells) and platelets and even more blood and platelets.  They also put a filter in her vena cava to stop the blood clot if it decided to travel to her brain. It is amazing what they can do these days. The doctors had a hard time keeping her platelets up and they kept dropping back down to scary levels so they had to take her off the anticoagulants.  Ugh...then the pneumonia set in and the blood cultures came back that she also had bacteria in her blood.  She was on several antibiotics including Vancomycin but nothing was helping.  Oh, and her white blood cells had dropped to 0.5 (crazy low levels) which was not enough to even fight the infection. After almost two weeks of fighting one up hill battle after another, she decided to watch her favorite movie "The Notebook." Afterwards, she decided she just wanted to go home. Believe me, this girl had not given up the fight but she knew that her family needed to spend some quality time with her and since she is a mother first and foremost, she decided to come home to be with her children and Grandbabies.

She left the hospital last Thursday and Hospice brought her home to stay. Her sweet husband set her up in a comfy therapeutic bed right in the middle of the family room. All nine of her children have came home indefinitely from 3 different states to be with her. On Monday, her brother also arrived from San Diego.  Needless to say, it has been an emotional weekend.  Even though she is tired and her body is betraying her, that strong spirit of hers shines just as bright as ever. For you see, Cathy is a true saint in every sense of the word.  I have been to her house to witness the droves of people that keep coming to visit her.  Young Women who are now grown up with kids of their own with stories of girls camp long ago.  Friends from Washington, California and Utah have all driven down this weekend to see her.  Everyone has stories of a loving, calm, strong, independent woman who touched their lives in many different ways. It is overwhelming to me...I am humbled.  I cannot tell you how good it is to see everyone and yet how incredibly sad my heart feels. Even though all nine kids are home and the house is bustling with visitors, it feels peaceful.  There is guitar music playing primary songs in the background, she is at peace and it is a beautiful sight to know that she is not suffering or in pain as the blessings and prayers of comfort have been answered.

Cathy's family is amazing...throughout this last three months they have used the scripture in Jeremiah 18:1 as a comfort to help them get-through this time.  Here is the story from the scripture if you are not familiar with it.


On another day, the Lord has sent Jeremiah to the potter's house to learn a lesson. The potter makes all kinds of pots and jars and dishes of clay which can be baked hard and are then ready for use. The story says that the potter "wrought a work on the wheels." Our little picture takes us to a potter's house in Nazareth, and we see him working at his wheel. The clay that he is shaping rests on the post that comes up through the table, and he turns it with his foot on the wheel under the table. The potter becomes very skillful and can make beautiful and delicate jars. If the jar is hurt in the making, it can still be changed and be made right by the potter, for the clay is still soft. The Lord is like the potter working to make each one of us beautiful and useful. If we injure His work, He will not cast us aside, but asks us to repent and works again to make us beautiful. Read Jer. 18:1 10.

Cathy came to bring me goodies at work because
she was always taking care of everyone...including me!  

Before St Rose DeLima hospital closed the Labor &
Delivery unit, we wanted to take pictures
to remember every detail.

I love this picture of Cathy.

Cathy, our dear friend Micki and I at the DeLima closing party.

Laarni, Peggy, Dawn, Kat, Cathy & I taking pictures and being silly

We hated this picture when it was taken but I love it now.

Me and my buddy Cathy doing our dream job as nurses.
We loved catching new babies...a dream come true. 

I know that the time is drawing closer when I will have to say my final good-bye to my sweet friend Cathy.  For now, the memories of the past 9 years keeps me awake at night. Most days my heart feels like it could explode at any minute. I keep telling my sweet husband that I cannot bare this pain again. How much pain does one person need to endure in one year? Once again, I feel powerless, weak and worst of all...helpless as I watch my dear friend endure to the end. I can only rely on my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ to carry me through this time. I have truly been blessed to have been a part of Cathy's life. She has been an incredible example to me. I am a better person since she has sprinkled her unconditional love on me.  I am thankful for each happy memory of her that will sustain me in the years ahead until we meet again. I am so grateful for her and her willingness to hold me up the past nine years as my best friend. I don't remember a day that we didn't talk on the phone.  It seems she has always been there pushing me to be a better person. I never thought I would make it through nursing school but we both did it together and endless times she let me cry on her shoulder after the death of my brother. I never could have done it without her.  I don't know how I will ever do it without her!